I am looking for a male coparent for stepparent adoption . The father of my newborn son who is only a few days old has left me once I told him I was pregnant. I would like to find a loving father who does not have the ability to have his own children to be a father to my son. I would like to keep my role as his mother as i love him very much. My son can live between both households and we can share custody once a relationship is established as his father.

A typical teenager wanting to be anywhere but here, I requested a set of luggage for Christmas. I adopted romantic images of myself traveling to places like Italy carrying a vintage distressed leather suitcase with an ornate antique skeleton key unlocking a fabulous travel wardrobe. The weeks of anticipation of what would greet me under the Christmas tree inspired a fury of research of all the places I would go. With the same eager anticipation of my younger siblings, I rushed to see what Santa had left for us and spotted the outline of an evergreen colored boxy shadow camouflaged and slightly illuminated by the twinkle of the multi-colored lights nestled in the tree branches. At closer examination, I found a soft-sided fabric suitcase with Velcro-type surface straps and a festive red bow attached to the plastic buckles. Technically, my wish was fulfilled. However, I couldn’t prevent the dissipation of the original vision of my travel adventures. I would like to think I was able to conceal the disappointment I had for this gift given to me so lovingly. Recently, I read with an interest a Women’s Health article titled, “4 Different Families Talk About the Gifts and Challenges of Adoption” that reminded me of this past Christmas gift. The article opened with the following paragraphs: Parenting is all-consuming, blissful, demanding, and rewarding. It has ups, it has downs, it has highs, and it certainly has lows. And for anyone who has the desire to parent and is lucky enough to experience parenthood firsthand, you know that nothing is quite like making your kids happy. This is especially true for parents who adopted. As you'll learn from the stories below, having the ability to change a child's life is not just an act of generosity—it's also one of the best gifts you can give yourself. As an adopted child, I often wonder why there are not more articles about the “Gifts and Challenges of Being Adopted” or including the perspective of adopted children and their feelings, experiences, and thoughts. Perhaps it is not the number of articles, but more about my own personal experience reading articles like this one. When I was about 12 years old, I can recall a memorable experience in a fellowship hall. Blocked by a cluster of church ladies, I managed to mumble a somewhat polite pardon for shoving my way through to get to the table of assorted pastries and apple juice. One of the ladies wearing a purple floral dress and white strappy sandals asked me, “Aren’t you Terry’s daughter?” My mother was the director of the church’s child care center. “Yes,” I replied and yet solely focused on the one remaining donut filled with strawberry jam resting on the silver tray, “I am.” “I just think it is incredible how your parents adopted you,” she said with her head tilted ever so slightly to the left. The degree of the angle of her head annoyed me greatly as I detected degrees of sympathy running through the muscles of her neck. My suspicion was confirmed in her next statement. “You must feel so very lucky to have been adopted by a loving family. I was fortunate to have children on my own, but if I had been unable to do so I definitely would have considered adoption,” she continued, oblivious to my cheeks turning the color of the jam contained within my desired donut. “You must wonder what your life might have been like if you had not been adopted and feel blessed to be an American.” The “must” part of her sentences must have pushed me over the edge as I aggressively nodded my head up and down, maybe grunted an audible response, and then pushed my way through to snatch the donut from its spot. I spun around and took exaggerated bites purposely permitting blobs of jelly to drop to the floor. When I reflect on my pre-adolescent response, it is the same twinge I get when reading articles about adoption as acts of generosity. And the reason is because, although not malicious, it makes me feel like that piece of luggage sitting under the Christmas tree. A present delivered and then forced to reckon with unmet expectations and expected gratitude. Technically, a husband and wife became parents via adoption, but it wasn’t how it was originally imagined - kind of unwanted, but accepted graciously. And the burden of accepting this noble and generous gesture falls to Anna the adoptee would at times generate feelings of resentment. It is not that I don’t believe there is an inherent heroic aspect of adoption, but it can (at least in my case) create this feeling of separation and difference rather than connection and belonging. Being an adopted child has ups, it has downs, it has highs, and it certainly has lows. In the end, both parent and child (adopted or biological) will have their lives altered in a myriad of ways. It is one of the most life-defining relationships you will have - and is one of the best gifts in life.

In this blog I will be promoting different resources, groups, studies, and advice for those effected by post adoption or post birth maternal separation disorder. No matter if your symptoms be an inability to connect to babies or physical PTSD you get for a reason you don't remember, this is a blog that may help you and those around you.

We have a seven year old boy that we have had since July, 2014. We adopted him and his sister in June, 2015. Since adoption Ws behaviors have worsened 180 degrees. He intentionally is urinating on carpet in his room; in the bathroom he sprays his urine on the walls and vanity. He's very hurtful towards his sister with aggression. She's fearful of him. We can not leave them together in a room alone they must have total supervision. He's disrespectful to us and his teachers at school. He suffers from ODD, ADHD and PTSD. We have him in the best trauma therapist. He even had an inpatient stay for stabilization in a treatment hospital. My Husband and I briefly talked about possibly doing an adoption resolution; as he is destroying our family. Am I Wrong?? Has anyone done this? Any input or advice would be so appreciated Feeling SO emotional.

Almost a thousand prospective adoptive parents received an e¬mailed notice advising that Independent Adoption Center (IAC) was declaring chapter 7 bankruptcy and closing permanently, effective immediately. IAC is licensed in eight states, including Florida, with an office in Tampa. The abrupt closing of all IAC offices and its programs has left many families in dire straits, both financially and emotionally. Those in the middle of an adoption are now hampered in their ability to complete the adoption, and others have lost substantial sums of money which will hinder if not eliminate their ability to adopt. This is a situation that should never happen. The legislature should mandate that adoption agencies segregate and hold adoptive parent funds in a separate trust account, and prohibit use of adoptive parent money until earned. Comingling hopeful adoptive parent funds with agency operating funds allows the premature expenditure of these monies at the agency's discretion with little financial oversight. The end result can shatter the hopes and dreams of prospective parents, who seek to create or enlarge their families through adoption. Prospective adoptive parents should make inquiry with adoption agencies as to their fiscal management policies in this regard. The Fellows of the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys have pledged to assist those families that now find themselves in an untenable situation as a result of IAC's bankruptcy. The Academy will assist these families in order for them to obtain their files from IAC, or to have them transferred to other reputable licensed adoption agencies. The Academy will also assist in advising those families as to be best way to proceed with regard to their prospective adoptions. There will be no charge for these services. A list of volunteer attorneys is posted to the Academy website at www.adoptionattorneys.org Jeanne Trudeau Tate, adoption attorney www.floridaadoptionattorney.com

This is our adoption story. Though words cannot describe how much our daughter has enriched our lives, I would like to try and share our journey with other people. I hope it will give them hope, maybe even inspire and be a bridge for those seeking adoption. Adoption changes your life in a way that is almost impossible to express. I feel so blessed we had the resolve to take that step. If you have ever thought about adoption, read our story. In it, you will find courage, hope and inspiration. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0785S5HL8/ref=abs_add_sc_

I was born in the early 1960's and put up for adoption. It was supposed to be a secret but others notice things about me that were different. Although I was loved, I looked nothing like the family I grew up in and one time someone commented on it.. Any comment that I was different than the rest of the family or different would make the mother that raised me very angry. She would tell me, "Ignore the comment. They don't know anything." I remember overhearing my mother who was very angry about a comment that someone made saying that my brother and I weren't really brother and sister and that I was from a different family. I was all she could do not to tell that person off but she couldn't because the person who made this comment was someone that I didn't know. This was an off handed comment that was made at a social gathering. I always felt that something about me was different but I didn't know what it was. I was never made to feel different from my family, so I thought I was imaging it. I was labeled the girl or woman that was different, odd or distant and was a victim of bullying which was intense at time during 5th-8th grade. I've never had a lot of friends and the friends that I had I rarely got close to as I've been hurt by some many people outside my family (people who were my friends in school would then turn on me), that by the time I got to middle-school, I didn't care anymore. I totally disconnected at this point to people outside my family, as this was my way of protecting myself from being hurt. I put a wall up which was very difficult to break. Perhaps it was because I was too clingy. I don't know. This was something my mom had difficulty understanding as it was believed that someone who was distant, who didn't show any affection towards others came from a dysfunctional family. Sometimes my mom didn't understand me and couldn't understand at times why I felt or thought a certain way. My relationship with men were distant and didn't last beyond six months. In my lifetime, I was unofficially engaged for a couple of weeks to someone I didn't love.. I was not surprised when the relationship didn't work out. I had been abandoned so many times that this was nothing new. It was my MO and the story of my life when it came to men. Eventually I gave up on dating. I never married nor did I have children. Sometimes I have regrets about this but most of the time I don't. One thing which is difficult for people around me to understand is that I have extreme sensitivity to things people do or say to me or others. Teachers in report cards always made the point that I was extremely sensitive to things that I cried when there was no reason to. They couldn't say much when in 4th grade my mother told the teachers that they would be very upset if someone put glue on their chair and they sat in it and it ruined their outfit and the kids laughed about it. I was so upset I started sobbing. At least two of these teachers I know would have used the paddle on any kid who did something like that to them. They would have been furious.. Back then, paddling was used as punishment. I was never paddled. When I was a child, a unkind remark or someone scolding me would bring me to tears and crying. I can pick up when there is tension in a room. I have difficulty being in the same room with someone I know that doesn't like me (I have to tune it out which I can do most of the time). I can't stand being in a room with an individual who has anger issues and I've been able to pick them out when others have either ignored it or questioned my judgement. A couple of times I've had to leave a room or leave the store I was in because the anger I was sensing was so intense that it was scary. My mother always thought that this sensitivity came from the fact that my birth mother most likely was upset while pregnant with me. She wasn't a victim of violence when she was pregnant with me and the family that I was raised in there was no violence which made me wonder how I picked up on people who had a anger issues (perhaps the bullying had something to do with it). When my birth mother contacted me, I later found out that it was very likely that she was a victim of domestic violence or was threatened with violence (not by my biological father). She didn't tell me the detail, but she was in a bad relationship at once point in her life. I started shaking after the phone call ended and they I started to cry picturing her being hurt and then picturing this man coming after me as a child which I have no doubt that this most likely would have happened if I was with her. My crying turned into sobbing uncontrollably which I did for almost an hour I had a very difficult time functioning at work and I was on the verge of tears. This went on for about 2 days. Even typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. I had to talk to the counselor about this. The mother that raised me told me that she should have never told me this. Sometimes I've wonder if my sensitivity to people who were angry was related to perhaps picking up what was happening to her, even though I knew nothing about it at the time. .

Whether you're an adoptive parent or not... whether you're a foster parent or not.. you can invest in the future of adoption and foster care by taking a few actions with your children today. Some of these are subtle, but can help create a generation of children who decide that they will be the last generation to know what an orphan is in the world. Open Door Policy - be the household on the block where all the kids come and hang. Create an atmosphere where children are welcome -- not just the popular kids, but all kids. Your Children Are Important - be sure they know that each and every day. Some parents dismiss kids in important conversations. Take the time to value what your children have to say and let them know that you don't discount their opinions just because of their age. Be a Global Parent - It's not easy for whole families to travel around the world, but travel (on any scale) broadens the mind. Expose your family to new ideas about the world. Plan family time once a month to watch a documentary (please... no reality shows) on a different culture. If you do get a chance to travel, take a look at a few cultural highlights on the way to Disney. Use these experiences to engage your children on what it's like to live in another culture or a different part of the world. Read - If you read, they read. It's a basic formula. Try picking up a book on a different culture and use it for discussions around the dinner table. Find books for your kids on different cultures - age appropriate of course. As a kid, one of my favorite books was "Island Boy" about a young boy growing up in Hawaii. I found the culture fascinating. Compassion - Be a parent of compassion for other children. Support a child or a program in a different part of the world. It could just be $10 a month! But imagine the difference it makes in the life of a child in another country. And over time, see what a difference it makes in the lives of your own children. Get them involved in learning about the culture or cultures your favorite charity represents. I'm biased, of course, but Orphan World Relief would be a great starting point! Regardless, involve your children in the decision and be sure that when you write the check each month, you talk about it as a family and engage with your own children about something they've learned about another culture. Involve Children in Supporting Causes - Find a cause locally or internationally you believe in and work with your children to make a difference. Do an annual garage sale and give the money to a charity of your children's choosing supporting kids (locally or globally). Have them come up with their own ideas of how they can support a cause. Learn a Language - Enroll the family in a language course where you can learn together (don't be too concerned if your kids do better than you). Connecting with another language helps connect you with a different culture. The younger your children are exposed to languages, the easier it will be for them to learn languages later in life when they need to in high school or college. Eat food from other Cultures - Even if it's just grabbing tacos, take the time to engage with the food of another culture. Try and find a local restaurant and not a chain with people working their from other cultures. It's probably easier than you may think! Research the food. Learn where it comes from and talk with your children about ways you can make it at home. Talk with Your Children - Every idea has one central theme: conversation. Engage your children in conversation... talk about other people groups. Help your kids talk about the differences and similarities of others. Try to help them become better world travelers by calling out things that don't make sense in our own culture as "different" rather than passing judgement by saying something is "stupid". Pose questions to your children to help them think through why something might be the way it is... and then research the truth! Volunteer with Others Less Fortunate - There will always be children who need a mentor. Sign up to be a big brother or a big sister. Spend time with your nieces and nephews. Help a single parent out at Church by befriending them and their children. Even if you do all of these things, there are no guarantees that your kids will decide to adopt or foster other children. They learn by what you do. Consider making room for one more child in your home through adoption. But even if you cannot adopt, you can help prepare your children to be better world citizens by following some of these simple ideas. It doesn't cost anything but time and a little creativity. Be a global hero to your children by making them global heroes in their own right. More blog posts about orphans, adoption and life: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dougriggle/detail/recent-activity/posts/

I am Gabriel Burns. I am 34.I live at 6120 n hanlin ave Azusa california in the United States. I am Hawaiian american. I am searching for my identical twin sisters. I am a triplet. I was born on March 14 1988 in Panama City Panama. My identical sisters names could be Anita Cordoba Arosemena and Teresa Cordoba Arosemena. They are 5 foot 9 with black hair and brown eyes. They have a prominent nose and tan skin color. They were both born on March 14 1988 at the Santo Thomas hospital in Panama. They could have lived in Azusa,glendora California 91740 or Covina California as children. I currently live in Azusa CA. 91702. My email address is pfb787@gmail.com. My sister's address in Panama Could have been altos 11-34 avenida B San Felipe casco Viejo Panama City Panama. You can call me or text me at 661-936-5206. You can email me at pfb787@gmail.com.

I'm originally from India and my basic background is that I was adopted by people from the UK but before I was adopted, I was passed through two different families before being handed to my eventual a-parents. 4 years later, my a-mum died and my a-dad remarried within a year. We moved house a lot and I moved schools several times. It was only at 13 that I really started to question my background and who I was, but the words didn't come until I was much older. At 16, my family moved to Spain for several years and I then moved to London for 8 years on my own. These 8 years in London were my most destructive as I engaged in an abusive relationship which I felt was just and what I deserved. I became a shell of my former self who people considered smart, happy and the do-gooder. When I eventually got myself out of London, I returned home having met a man who listened to me and understood me in ways no one has ever tried before. He got my frustration with life and my difficulty with trust and abandonment. He understood my irrational fear of being left behind and left alone for too long to ponder on where he might be or that he might leave me and forget me. This is the man I married, I couldn't have asked for a better man, but now I am for some reason ruining everything we have stood for. With more commitment, the more I get angry and confused. I don't understand what is going on with me, but all the fear and anger and rage within me is building up to a point that I cannot control it any longer. I watch myself in our arguments and I want to stop myself, but I don't know how. I'm sure this seems completely insane to some people, but it feels like this darkness that takes over the loving and compassionate me and makes me into the thing I hate most. Our marriage can't take many more of these arguments and irrational outbursts- I want to gain control and to understand how to cope and deal with things. Can anyone help me please?

Stepparent adoption is a common form of adoption, where an adopting stepparent is willing to assume financial and legal responsibility of his/her spouse’s children, and release the noncustodial parent of parental responsibilities. The process has permanent legal consequences, and will be a huge psychological change for the child, the biological parent, and the adopting family. As the stepparent adoption procedure takes place among people who know each other, the court may forego the requirement of home visits and adoption hearings. This helps quicken the process, and makes it easier for the stepparent to receive consent from the noncustodial parent. Here are a few considerations to keep in mind before opting for stepparent adoption. [url=https://adoption.com/blogs/5270/adopting-a-child-5-mistakes-you-must-strictly-avoid/]Adoption[/url] will bring a major change in the lives of the child and the birth parent. After the formal process is over, a legal relationship begins to exist between the child and guardian. Now, the adoptee will be entitled as a legal heir of the adopter, among other permanent changes. It is, therefore, important to consult an adoption attorney and understand the legalities involved. While some federal laws do apply to adoption, states make their own adoption laws based on their statutes. An attorney can inform you about the state adoption laws and legal precedents that can help you with adoption. If your current spouse will be the stepparent, then the biological parent needs to be aware that the adoption will make your spouse the child's legal parent, and also responsible for all legal rights and responsibilities of parenthood. Additionally, the child will no longer hold claim to inheritance from the previous family. As part of the adoption procedure, you need to present certified copies of the child's birth certificate, documents of your marriage to the current spouse, and the birth parents’ divorce documents. If the biological parent is deceased, then a certified copy of the death certificate will be required, otherwise his/her service address needs to be presented. These documents will be handled by your attorney at the preliminary adoption hearing. Post-adoption, the adopting parent may hold a claim in the child’s property. Remember to document the details in the adoption petition, and present them during the hearing. The certificates can be related to Social Security payments, land or tangible property, and trust funds inherited by the child. During the preliminary court hearing, you will have to file a form that reflects the noncustodial parent’s consent for the adoption. If the parent has approved, then the hearing is not likely to face major difficulties. The consent form relieves the noncustodial parent from all further child support obligations. A situation may arise where the birth parent might not be willing to cooperate with the procedure. Parent’s consent is of utmost importance, and the lack of it can obstruct the procedure. If you are unable to locate the parent, then the court might permit you to publish a legal notice in a newspaper. If the other parent still does not respond, then the consent is nullified for the adoption. [url=http://www.dlgteam.com/]A child custody lawyer can help you[/url] devise a strategy to avoid a trial. The process of adoption is initiated with a Petition for Adoption filed by you and presented to the court. You need to state the elementary information regarding your identity and the reason for adoption, along with details of the child to be adopted. Certain counties and states may ask for a Supplemental Petition with additional details – such as employment, previous marriage(s), military service, and other children’s details. Based on the details shared with the court, the judge will announce a hearing date for the petition – you will need to attend. At the hearing, the judge will hear the case to question the parties involved. Make sure that you meet with your attorney to finalize the strategy for the hearing, and advise about how adoption hearings are conducted in courts. The hearing will conclude with the judge stating a date for the finalization of the adoption. At this stage, a social worker from the [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_Protective_Services]Child Protective Service[/url] (CPS) will visit your home to conduct a home study to understand more about your family. The meeting is primarily conducted to help you prepare for adoption, evaluate the current capability, and the home environment of the prospective family. It is, therefore, important to understand the requirements of the evaluation process. There are multiple agencies that offer initial informational sessions or orientations to help you through the adoption process. During the meeting, the social worker can interview you several times to form a relationship with you and understand your family better. This will help him/her to assist you with the adoption. This is the final leg of the adoption procedure, where the judge will make his/her ruling on the adoption petition. If the judge is satisfied with the documents and the intent of adopting the child, then the ruling may be in your favor. The finalization hearing is attended by the adopting parents, the child, the adoption attorney, and the CPS social worker. The judge awards an adoption certificate issued by the court, which states that the adoptee is the legal child of the adopting parent. Once the adoption is finalized, you can apply for the amended birth certificate of the child to be issued. Stepparent adoption laws are formed with the view to provide the best home environment for adopted children. Although the parties involved are related, the procedure may get complicated at later stages. Hence, it is important to opt for legal aid and avoid potential challenges in court. This way, the court can ensure that the children enjoy good relationships with both parents. The above points will help you know more about the aspects that need to be taken care of when opting for stepparent adoption. ([url=https://pixabay.com/en/mother-daughter-family-park-child-1171569/"Image Credit[/url])

Hello Looking for some input on out of state adoption. We live in a small state, so we were looking to go elsewhere as well. Was it difficult? How were visits managed? How long did it take? Paperwork? Etc. thanks for your help!

[img]https://adoption.com/community/file/attachment/2016/10/b3499b7a28669c9426775de75381529e_view.jpg[/img] Adoption is as hard and complex as becoming a biological parent in most aspects, and several times harder in others. There are more people deciding to adopt today than ever, and want to provide love and care, and a wonderful home for the child they bring into their lives. As with the decision to become a biological parent, your decision to become an adoptive parent also should be arrived at after deliberation, thought and careful consideration. You cannot decide to have a baby just because it is the ‘time you did it’, your friends are getting pregnant or because you want to save a child from an unhappy life. There are stringent conditions, rules and regulations in place to qualify for adoption. They ensure that you are financially, mentally and psychologically ready to meet a baby’s needs. But home visits, adoption panels, health checkups and parenting scrutiny notwithstanding you should also honestly assess whether you are ready to adopt a child. Here are a few things you need to know if you are looking forward to bringing home an adopted baby. Parenting a child and raising him or her into healthy adulthood is tonpost.com/entry/is-adoption-worth-it_b_8579078"not an easy task. It requires patience, understanding, resilience, self-belief, self-awareness, empathy and endless love. If you want to adopt a child in order to save a tender life from its current sufferings and provide a safer environment, then it may not yet be time for you to bring a new baby home. There are millions of suffering children in the world, including refugees, homeless and those from abusive circumstances. But your genuine need to solve their problems alone will not suffice in giving a child a happy home. Your noble intentions will not be enough to sustain you as a parent or as a family through the journey of parenthood. Adopt a baby when you want to have a child and complete your family, and when you are capable of staying invested in building a parent-child relationship. Do your research well and make an informed decision to be an adoptive parent. This is a hard decision to make and completely depends on the personal preferences and preparedness of the adoptive parents. Older children come into your home informed and aware. They typically have a history they know. They are also part of the decision making process and have decided to be a part of your family. Older children realize the need to build a home and will be willing to make an effort, or at least will be responsive to your love. You may feel that you missed out on the toddler and pre-school years but you still have a very impressionable young person to mold into a fabulous human being. You will have to help your child learn or re-learn things in his new home, and you will also be able to share common interests. If your child is in primary school, then playtime can be the best opportunity to bond. Invest in good quality toys and activities that allow you bond with your child. You can also avail online freebies and stock up on a variety of games your child is interested in. Be patient and an older child will be quick to pick up. In no time your bundle of joy will be calling you mom. Also, health issues and special needs are already evident in an older child and you are more equipped to deal with them With infants, you have a clean slate to begin with. You get a chance to grow up along with your little one, and build strong and early bonds. You will also get an opportunity to teach the baby habits and behaviors quite early on in life. One of the challenges of adopting an infant is that you may not have access to complete medical history. In some cases, disabilities or health issues may crop up as the child grows. Your parenting journey will be unique and special whether you adopt an older child or a baby. Each scenario has its olderchildren/a/olderchild_addi.htm"own set of challenges and opportunities. You will naturally learn the ropes as you go along, and will be happy with the decision you have made. Ensure you take into consideration all factors including your age, financial capability and emotional maturity before deciding whether you would love to bring a newborn or a 13-year old into your life. Bringing your baby home is one of the most rewarding experiences of one’s life. If you have adopted a few-month old baby or a newborn, there are a few things you need to know. Just as with a biological newborn, your baby will also take time to get adjusted in the new home. Babies who are from orphanages will be used to sleeping in a room full of other kids. Similarly, in many care homes abroad, children are used to sharing their beds with adults. A beautifully-decorated nursery may not be calming enough for your little one. You may have to rock her to sleep or sleep beside her. Anxiety symptoms are more pronounced in children at night, and new parents will be in a continuous learning process as far as managing the sleep patterns of their new baby are concerned. Gradually with time, your baby will learn to relax and get used to sleeping independently. You will not be able to set parenting plan in stone while adopting a baby. As your child grows and needs and requirements evolve, you will have to topics/parenting/foundations/adoption-and-orphans/how-to-develop-a-bond-with-an-adopted-child"adapt as a parent. Rebelliousness, anger, stubbornness, defiance, moodiness and temper tantrums are not unexpected in growing children. But you can expect age-appropriate behavioral challenges at a more intense level in adopted children who may be grappling with other demons as well. Realize that all psychological changes taking place in your tween are informed as well as punctuated by his adoption. He will take time to reach a stage where he can handle the fact that his ‘parents’ are not his ‘birth-parents’ with maturity, and till then you need to take it easy. Deal with your child as you would with your biological child. Do not let your judgment be clouded by the worry if the challenges are more extreme due to adoption. Adapting and mellowing your parenting style as your little one grows will help you gently steer your child in a desirable direction. Also keep in mind that difficult stages are part of normal child developmental patterns. There may be times when counseling can help, but otherwise patience is all that you need to see your child through. Counseling can be considered as a last resort where it comes after you have tried everything else. Love, compassion, empathy and care will help small children overcome anxiety. They will need your care throughout their lives and you as an adoptive parent needs to know that adoption is a life-long process. Gradually you will be able to help your precious child navigate all the complex feelings and emotions, and reach a more balanced stage of understanding and resilience. Give time to both of you to evolve and grow as a parent and as a child. Adoption is hard on all the parties involved. It takes time, effort and a big heart to work through the difficulties and soothe the aching hearts. Nobody is perfect and sometimes the system fails miserably for families and innocent children. Adoption is not for everyone and you need to have an open mind, thick skin and be willing to learn every day. But for all its drawbacks, adopting a child is worth any effort you make to ensure your union is a success. Image Source

Today I was with a friend and she asked me if she could ask me questions about adoption. She shared with me about how she fears adoption because she hates the thought about the deep loss. The tragic, traumatic, grief that is all encompassing. We talked about how I am constantly looking at my son and thinking about his birth mama and wondering how it will impact him as he grows. And about how much pain is all-encompassed in adoption. How its hard to just fully feel only joy regarding him, because loss is wrapped up so much in his identity and story and history. We talked about how we cannot imagine being strong and brave enough to say, "I am not in a place I want to be, to parent my child," and place them into another mamas arms. We talked about how openness helps with all of us -- that as my son grows, him knowing his bio mom will hopefully be nothing but a blessing to him. It was very emotional and very raw and I wish more prospective adoptive parents held this perspective...the balance of grief and joy, loss and gain, the goodness in openness.

I have been struggling with open adoption for a long time. My son was taken from me at the age of 18, my then ex gf was using drugs and couldnt keep her self out of trouble and I had an unstable living envrioment due to my adopted parents and I always fighting. I refused to sign over my rights, but I was eventually told I had to, or they would be taken from me. After I lost my son in court I thought that was it. Somehow though my adopted parents still kept on seeing my son. It pissed me off to say the least. They told me that they had obtained sometype of rights through the open adoption to see him. So for years they went and saw him once a month , talked to him on the phone, put his pictures everywhere ....it killed me. It wasnt until my son was about 7 that my now wife contacted Amom to try and establish some type of contact. She was prepared for the answer of no, ,but to our surprise she started to write to us about how my son was doing, she sent us pictures and two years later after consistant contact we set up a time for me , my wife , my mom and my son to spend the weekend alone together. It was awesome. It truly was and I am eternally greatful. After the visit though, my mom got kinda jealous that we were sharing contact with my son and told the Amom some not so flattering things about me that landed us with no emails , no contact period for about two years. My mom had lied to me and told me that my son had stopped calling her all together as well, but i found out she had been lying. It was a very hurtful situation. I was angry that my emails were no longer being answered, that i felt like I had just gotten back into my sons life and now it was taken away from me AGAIN. when my son was 12 I got back into contact with him. He got a cell phone of his own and his Amom was okay with me calling and texting him freely. I was able to send him cards and gifts, have unlimited contact over the phone etc etc. It wasnt until my mom passed away when my son was 13 that I was allowed to go down to visit him and have a whole weekend with him unsupervised. I get annoyed sometimes with Amom when I dont hear how he is doing. Now that my son is a teenager, hes moody and sometimes unresponsive to my texts... so i get upset because i try to talk to amom about it and she shrugs it off. Dont get me wrong , I AM eternally greatful that Amom has let me and my wife have contact, pictures, unsupervised visits etc etc. for that I am eternally thankful. But sometimes there is a shadow of a doubt, that maybe i will say something wrong unintentionally and she will cut off contact, or she will say something about me to my son and he wont like me anymore. It keeps me up at night. I am just thankful I am in in his life and scared at the same time. Everytime we lost contact, its like im in court again being forced to give up my rights.

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/02/a6be241a1245812cc5ae144ba890b6b1_view.jpg[/img] I told myself I wasn't going to reach out to them. As I looked at their names, I reminded myself that the whole point of getting my original birth certificate was to learn my identity and do some genealogy. Now that I had names, I could figure out my ethnicity and have a lot of questions answered. It didn't make sense to reach out to these people who---most likely---wouldn't want a relationship with me. But something Mary----my birthmother---had said in a letter to me all those years ago, kept echoing in my head: "My middle son is very excited to meet you someday". She explained that she didn't have much contact with her other two children, but that this particular son knew about me and apparently was at least somewhat pleased about my existence. It took me about 2 weeks of thinking it through, and wondering if I could cope emotionally with being told again that I was not welcome in someone's life. When I finally decided to take my chances, I sat down and wrote a letter to my brother---Don. I must have written about 7 different drafts, showing each one to my ever supportive husband, who finally deemed the last one "not overly emotional or rambling". With the support of a dear girlfriend who had been cheering me on through this journey, I finally worked up the courage to put the letter in the outgoing mail, and prepared myself for a less than positive response. It was almost a week later, while I was I on vacation with friends, that I received one of the best emails I've ever read: "I'm so happy you found us...we have so much catching up to do.....can I call you?" Within days, I had spoken with both of my brothers, Don and Ron, on the phone, and had exchanged emails with big sister Ava. I don't mind telling you that I was thrilled to learn all three have a wonderful sense of humor, and of course, most amazing of all.....they have welcomed me with open arms. It's as if my appearance has been completely natural to them. I honestly have been so touched by their kindness that it has more than made up for the sadness I felt so many years ago when 'our' mother chose to stop contact with me. The outcome has been better than I could have ever hoped for. Mary is not yet aware that we are in touch with each other......Because her contact with her kids is infrequent, I am leaving it up to their discretion if or when they want to share that information with her. In the meantime, I have spent the past few months feeling more "whole" in my heart than I ever have in my life. Pieces that were missing are finally being put in place. And as wonderful as its been, something else amazing is about to happen...... I'm meeting Ava face to face this weekend. http://simplysnarky.blogspot.com/2016/12/i-told-myself-i-wasnt-going-to-out-to.html

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/05/1a0deeb5381d9a1a03dfccb1d0804017_view.jpg[/img] I recently participated in a forum discussion that addressed the pros and cons of working with an adoption agency vs. pursuing a private adoption. The other posters brought up thoughts I hadn't considered before and made me re-think the purposes of an adoption agency and question whether it's a model that is meeting the needs of the adoption community today. Before the advent of the internet, adoption agencies were almost a necessity for those in the US seeking to place a baby for adoption or adopt a baby. It was pretty much the only way to make adoption connections, unless you happened to be in the right place at the right time. These days, agencies still help make these connections, but there are other ways that expectant parents and adoptive parents can connect instead. So now what is the purpose of an adoption agency? In my opinion, a good agency should do the following: -Facilitate connections between expectant parents considering adoption and parents who are hoping to adopt. -Provide education and support to adoptive parents. -Provide education and unbiased options counseling to expectant parents. -Provide guidance through the legal process. -Screen potential scams. -Mediate open adoption planning/assist with post-adoption open adoption challenges. -Be available to provide lifetime support to birth parents after placement. The problem is that some agencies do not provide all of the above services and many are focused more on money than on ethics. This isn't necessarily the fault of the agencies, which - even if they're not making much of a profit - do need a certain amount of cash flow in order to meet the expenses of running a business. This issue was underscored by the recent closure of Independent Adoption Center, a national adoption agency that had gotten into the habit of taking money from newer clientele to fund other adoptions in progress. This ultimately proved to be an unsustainable practice, and when IAC closed, they left hundreds of hopeful adoptive parents out thousands of dollars. The owners of IAC cited the changing face of adoption as the cause for their closure, and this is probably true - which again begs the question, with the face of adoption in the United States changing, is there a better way to facilitate domestic infant adoptions?

Two years ago I stood in St Peters Square surrounded by one hundred thousand people to witness the canonization of the Saint of the Gutters. The atmosphere was electric, palpable, and as Pope Francis pronounced her a Saint, I had goosebumps and tears in my eyes. It was a very special moment, not just because here we were witnessing something momentous, but because, Mother Teresa has personally touched me and my family. Those ripples she talks about in the quote above, well one of them was me. Let me tell you my story. I must been about six years old when I first met Mother Teresa and visited Sishu Bhavan in Calcutta. Though the memory is now clouded, the visit left a big imprint, so much so that I was drawn back frequently. Initially I would beg my parents to take me back there whenever we transited through Calcutta. As I grew older and we moved around, we always found a Mother Teresa home close by to visit. The habit continued even when I left home to join university. You see, the big attraction was the babies. I was born with an inherent gene that made me hopelessly madly in love with babies. And so I could spend hours there, helping feed them, or carry them or just watch other people feed and carry them and I would be contented. My heart would bleed to think that here were babies who were abandoned and if I thought I could have gotten away with it, I would have happily smuggled some of them home. But of course I knew I couldn’t. Instead I decided that as soon as I could, I would adopt a baby. I must say here though, that yes, initially it was all about the babies, but later it was also about so much more. Mother Teresa’s example of selfless love and service to humanity touched my family to a great extent. My parents themselves were altruistic and we grew up watching, learning and soon practicing ourselves, just how to live our faith and give back to the community with our time or whatever other resources we had to share. Well, I grew up, like most little girls do. Many other childhood dreams and ambitions were forgotten or deemed silly, but this one desire kept burning bright. In my final year of university, I met my prince charming and quite soon into our relationship I dragged him one Saturday afternoon to spend time with the babies. He was a trooper. He got that this was a big deal to me. Over the next few years we talked about adoption a lot. He listened patiently, asked questions and brought up concerns. But my battle plans were drawn and I was well prepared with facts and testimonies. I took him to more orphanages and adoption workshops. I read him excerpts of books. I knew one hundred percent that we could love a child we had not conceived as much as one that had grown in my belly. To be honest though, he didn’t need much convincing. We made a pact. We would have biological children, and adopt one too. We had our first child a year after getting married and the pregnancy and parenthood was everything and more than we had imagined. Life was perfect. We treasured each milestone and enjoyed watching our first born grow. Around the time she started school we knew the time had come to plan for baby number two. We began the initial paperwork required for adoption and the wait began. Though shorter, it was every bit as exciting as the nine months of pregnancy. We looked for names and prepared our families and friends. Our immediate families were very supportive but we did meet with many who asked, “But why, when you have your own?” Most often we just smiled and just said “Because we want to”. And so at 28, my lifelong dream came true and on July 27th 2003, we brought Ryeika Teresa, all of two months old, into our hearts and lives. As I held her that first time, the tears flowed freely. We looked at her angelic face, the sparkling eyes and felt such a gut wrenching tug of emotion (the good kind). We were so blessed to have been given the honor of being her parents. Her name Ryeika means ‘unique’ and Teresa is for the little bent lady, the one in the blue and white sari who held hundreds of babies in her arms, who fought for their right to live. She believed that they were all, each and every one of them a gift from God. In the next couple of years we went on to have two more biological children and today I am the proud mother of four girls. Life is full, I am blessed and the circle of life continues. I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to attend the canonization ceremony with my husband and our four girls. I feel blessed that Ryeika was able to witness the person who inspired her parents, who delivered her into our hearts, be proclaimed a Saint. I have read some disheartening articles in the media recently criticizing Mother Teresa. While I cannot but agree that perhaps some of her practices were outdated and her dogma could be perceived as harsh, the simple truth is that she helped scores and scores of people. She gave dignity to the dying. She set up hospitals and schools in areas of the world where life has little value, and built safe havens for babies of unwed mothers or women who, because of poverty or other circumstances had to leave their children at her doorstep. I have seen personally how the nuns from her order look after the aged, the sick, the HIV positive, the children with deformities and I wonder, if they did not do it, then who? I have met so many of her nuns, Europeans, Americans, Asians, Africans; brilliant, well educated, charismatic women, who could have had great careers and the world at their feet. And yet they chose to give up all that and wear the blue and white, dedicating their lives to service and simplicity of a whole different kind. And the beauty about them was that they were all so happy and contented. In spite of tough conditions and bone tiring work, they were always cheerful. I till date have never met a grumpy Mother Teresa nun. So perhaps more than all the work and charity and selfless giving that Mother Teresa did, day in and day out, what marks her for sainthood, is the influence she has had on a plethora of people. People who, inspired by her example, were prompted to go out and make a difference, be kind, lend a ear, pray or do a little bit of charity and change somebody’s life in whatever small way. The ripples....some small, some big, but all so very significant. Saint Teresa of Calcutta, yes you cast the stone across the waters. So glad one ripple touched me. You inspired me. You touched my life. Thank You. To read our full adoption story, pick up my personal memoir, now out on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Little-Girls-Dream-Letter-Daughter-ebook/dp/B0785S5HL8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1518092023&sr=8-1&keywords=sanchita+lobo #adoption #special needs

Perfect people. Perfect Children. Perfect Parents. Perfect homes. Perfect lives. Perfect families. The images are everywhere in the media today. I’m standing at my local grocery store checkout counter and staring at magazine covers with the images of perfect humans, perfect outfits, perfect bodies for those outfits, perfect places to travel, and perfect cars to get you there. I, on the other hand, have my hair up in a mommy bun and my glasses are a little crooked on my nose. As I look down in an attempt to straighten my eyewear, I see clearly that I — in my hurried attempt to get my kids to school on time — left the house with my furry slippers still on my feet. I’m not perfect. The thought of perfection actually stresses me out. It causes me anxiety. Having to live up to someone else’s expectations for who I am and how I should show up in this world is, well, daunting. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried it. I have jumped — head first — into the unforgiving waters of perfection. I nearly drowned. Perfection isn’t real. It’s a facáde created to sell stuff to the masses who have fallen into the false belief that perfection is somehow possible. The pressure to be perfect can be felt within our families. And, for families created through adoption, the pressure of perfection can be of a constant nature. Here are three reasons why I believe we must reject perfection as a standard for adoptive families... Follow this link to read more: http://michellemadridbranch.com/3-reasons-to-reject-perfection-adoptive-families/ [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2018/02/e6a8257ca0d8615ff9779bd333463e16_view.jpg[/img]

Hi! I am attaching the only photo I have of my sister, her birth name is Ashley Marie Sutton. Born December 29, 1983. Coos or Lincoln County Oregon. I was 9 years old at the time of her birth and we were in the "system" which is why we were separated and she was adopted out in June-July 1984. She was adopted out to a family in Eddysville, Oregon. I can provide specific details about her birth parents. My other siblings and I are searching for her. I am confident this was an "open adoption" It has recently been brought to my attention that celebrating the adoption of Ashley, her adopted parents listed a two page celebratory article in the Newport New Times paper. I am trying to secure a copy of the article[img]https://adoption.com/community/file/attachment/2016/06/a32a1d4af9f55dc4e2b4b57808a53859_view.jpg[/img].

[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/03/ef67aa4341eff8af6b16f373330203e5_view.jpg[/img] A few years ago, I had the opportunity to work for a local radio station as a movie critic/part time radio personality. Every week, I would attend a particular movie, discuss it on air with my co-worker, and write up a small op-ed piece to publish on the station's web page. (You can see an example of it, just for fun, here: http://mix1043fm.com/rock-of-ages-movie-review-good-bad-ugly/) That fun little part time gig is now in the past, and it's been quite awhile since I've written a movie review, although that isn't really the purpose of this post. Recently, I had the opportunity to see the film "Lion", about a young boy named Saroo, who becomes lost and separated from his family in India, and is eventually adopted by an Australian couple. In the past, movies about adoption were crossed off my list immediately, because I found them too upsetting....especially if there was a "happy reunion" at the end, reminding me of my own inability to find my missing pieces. But due to the developments of the past year, I finally felt emotionally prepared to see this film that was garnering a lot of critical acclaim. Truth be told, I'm not sure anyone could actually be prepared for the feelings this movie stirs up, and as an adoptee, I found myself staring at the screen in wonder, shocked that someone had been able to so accurately portray the emotions I have felt for most of my adult life. To clarify, my life has certainly not been anything close to what this child endured. The differences in our stories are profound: He had a close loving relationship with his mother and siblings for the first few years of his life, and then was, in effect, ripped from them as a small child. He was homeless, hungry and scared. He was subjected to people who had no sense of humanity, and it was only through his eventual adoption that he was able to feel safe again. Being adopted at birth, I obviously had no previous memory of my birth family, no "strings of attachment", and I certainly never experienced any of the horrific things that Saroo did---at the age of 5, when he was sleeping on a piece of cardboard in the streets, I was living in the warm, safe and loving home of my adoptive family. But the similarities in our stories are also numerous, and that is what prompted me to write this particular post. As much as the sadness of his earlier life broke my heart, it was watching him in his search for his identity that spoke to my soul. Certain things would 'trigger' him to think about his family, starting with an Indian dessert that is served at a party he is attending. The feelings are so strong that it almost debilitates him. I thought of the times when I would experience that same moment of helplessness, as someone would point out that my sister looked so much like my mother, and that I didn't seem to resemble either of my parents....and I would get lost in the thoughts of "Yes, I look like someone, but I don't know who they are". When Saroo began his search, there was a feeling of overwhelming impossibility. He really has no idea where to start, no solid leads or names to help him, and ----let's face it----India is not a small place. As he starts plotting the possibilities up on his wall, it took me back to the countless hours I spent entering my name and information into literally hundreds of "adoption reunion" databases. I had no names to work with, and no idea of where exactly they might be, so I had no way to look for anyone in particular.....all I could do was enter my information, and pray that someone was looking for ME. I followed every single lead I could think of over the years, no matter how far fetched it was, because the pull to know was just too great to stop. Saroo portrayed that as well, basically becoming so fixated on finding information that his family and girlfriend were almost completely alienated from his life. At one point, he expresses that he just wants to be able to find his mother and comfort her....let her know that he is alright. He knows that she has grieved his loss and it torments him. When I became a mother for the first time, I started to grasp the possibility that my own birthmother was carrying a burden of missing me as well, and it became so important to me to be able to reassure her that I was fine. Even though I eventually learned that she was not particularly worried about me, it was a blessing to ME to be able to let her know. Eventually Saroo reaches a point where there seems to be no more leads and his girlfriend says "well, what if you NEVER find them? Then what??" This is a common response from many who are NOT adoptees and have a difficult time understanding the pull that many of us feel to get answers. Saroo's parents loved him and he had enjoyed a significantly "better" life with them, than he could have ever experienced in India. Why couldn't he just be grateful for that and let it go? For some adoptees, there seems to be no real "need" to search for their birth families, and they are content with the information they have. For others, it's as if they have a piece of their identity missing, and they feel utterly lost until they find it. I've likened it before to a "Non adoptee" being told they could never know the names of their grandparents or history of their ancestors, simply because a law wouldn't allow it. All of a sudden it makes no sense that this law actually exists for anyone. And what many people fail to understand, is that searching for your roots does NOT mean that you love or appreciate your adoptive family any less. I have personally found in my searching that locating my birth family has just strengthened the love I have for my parents and sister, while enlarging my family circle and allowing me to love even MORE people. One of my favorite quotes from the movie is when Saroo tells his adoptive mother, after he finds his family in India, "Finding her doesn't change who you are to me". And finally, in the scene where he embraces his family again (spoiler alert---he DOES find them), the emotions are so overwhelming that even my big tough guy husband sitting next to me was tearing up. I found this scene so beautiful for many reasons but mostly because of the fact that he no longer speaks the same language as his mother and siblings, but they are still able to express their love for each other. Although I can't specifically relate to embracing my birthmother---she remains somewhat elusive to ALL her children it seems----I HAVE had the amazing opportunity of hugging my half sister and speaking by phone with both half brothers. And although our lives have been significantly different----in effect, we sort of "speak a different language"-- it's been an amazing thing to me that you can be apart from people for decades, and if you are family, there is no distance. If you are a person who can't quite understand the importance of allowing adoptees access to their birth records (even though that was not the exact issue that Saroo faced), this can help you more fully grasp the struggles that many of us face in needing all the information we can get to help us in our search. I don't very often recommend a movie based on adoption merits, but because this film is based on a true story AND truly nails the emotions that many adoptees experience, I can't say enough about it. Thank you Hollywood, for making a film that puts adoption in the spotlight and allows people to see the good that comes from adoptees getting answers. http://simplysnarky.blogspot.com/2017/02/adoption-on-big-screen.html

I am looking for my half brother who was born 11-1-1966 at OSF Peoria, IL and was name Gary Lee. He was adopted shortly around the same time. I have information about his BF and of course BM which is my mother. I am very interested in finding him and seeing if wanting to learn about his birthfamily

Hello everyone, I’ve recently underwent a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer and have come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be able to have my own children. While I am still undecided about whether adoption is right for me, I feel I could help those parents in the process of international adoptions. I work as a flight attendant which means I have flight benefits which essentially means I can “fly for free.” With that being said I know adoption, especially internationally can be very costly. I know many countries require you to personally pick up your child and these flight costs can be very high. If it’s possible I would like to serve as a surrogate of sorts, in the role of picking up these babies and bringing them home to their new families. Does anyone know if this is a service I could legally offer or how to go about doing so?

I was born in Swansea to a 16 year old single Jamaican girl. She tried her best to keep me but the system denied her any support or other options, so I was placed into care at three months of age. I was fostered and finally adopted by a very nice white middle class couple by the age of eighteen months, and settled into place as the youngest of three daughters, my elder sisters being their natural children . Located in South Wales Uk, swansea was a city where during the 1970's, the only black people that the local people had ever seen, were the blacked out faces of The Black and White Minstrel Show. If you're not from the UK, then you've probably never experienced the joy of Saturday evenings, when every family would be glued to the TV set, watching this craziness unfold before them... [[img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2021/02/eb7660098386350fa6f631ce9739f0e4_view.jpg[/img] That really summed up the level of cultural enlightenment during this era! My adopted parents loved me. They had spent some time in the Cameroons in East Africa, where my father had been stationed whilst he served as an officer in the Merchant Navy. Upon their return to Wales, they vowed to adopt a black child (My father was a Liberal haha). So after hanging their assortment of African memorabilia in prominent positions all over the house, and purchasing a handful of Calypso LPs (which my father would sing to me), they felt prepared to handle any obstacles that this adoption would throw their way over the following 18 years.... I am now 53, and I can honestly say that the primal wound of being separated from my birth mother, the resulting abondonment issues (that Donald Trump would be proud of), the relentless racist abuse during my childhood from my peers and total strangers, and the ongoing identity crisis have marred my entire adult life. It has been a work in progress, battling social anxiety, addiction and significant inner loneliness. My journey of self discovery has included being reunited with my birth mother (and being un-reunited), re-locating to London to find people that looked like me (I saw black people on the tube during a girl guides day trip to the Commonwealth Centre...), finding endless brothers and sisters...my father was a busy man evidently, finally, feelings of self-acceptance and understanding have begun to creep in...finally. During my journey, I have read some marvellous books, found some life-changing resources...and even learned to cook some West Indian food which my children adore. I've been blessed with four children, the youngest being an added gift as I adopted him from a relative in my adopted family. So I've seen both sides of the coin! I hope that the articles and experiences that I post, and any recommendations that I make, help any adopted people (transracially or otherwise), that see themselves mirrored in my story. I have created two Facebook groups so we can create a little safe haven and community. I've found it so exciting over the years, when I've met another adoptee. So many shared experiences! Please feel free to comment on any posts, join the FB group https://www.facebook.com/groups/www.interracialadoptees and share your thoughts and story with the rest of us. We've Found Our Tribe! Anna

Twin girls Born on 7-7-1960 , lived in Angel Guardian Home in Brooklyn, New York for eighteen months then taken in as foster children. Used our biological father's last name, "Gifford" until we were legally adopted by our foster parents at nine years old. Searching for our birth mom and dad and three younger sisters.

• Information contained in this summary dates back to the time of your birth. • The abbreviation NIL means that the information is not available. • N/A means that this item does not apply to your situation. I. GENERAL INFORMATION A. Identification Present surname and given names (registration adoption judgment): Perez Guzman, Jose Marcelo Given name(s) at birth: Joseph Marcel Date of birth: Year/Month/Date 1967/01/24 Place of birth: Hospital: St-Luc. 1058, St-Denis Street Name of city or town: Montreal Date of baptism/christening: Year/Month/Day 1967/05/10 Place of baptism: At the chapel of the nursery St-Francois-d'Assise: 3601, de la Rousseliére, Pointe-aux-Trembles. B. Medical History At Birth: Weight: 6 pounds 5 oz Cranial circumference: 14 1/2 in. Conditions of childbirth: Good Weeks of gestation: 38 weeks Duration of labour: N/A Type of delivery : Normal without complication Length: 19 in. Thorax perimeter: 12 in. Blood group: N/A APGAR : N/A Other information on birth of the child: You were born at term with no malformation. You moved a lot and had a rosy complexion. You had a blood bump to the occiput. Your breathing was spontaneous, but fast. You will be placed two hours under oxygen in an incubator. Medical information: Good health. You receive the vaccines: DCT&Polio at 04/24/1967, 07/07/1967, 08/20/1967 and the reminder at 08/28/1968. 04/17/1967: You are suffering from chickenpox. 05/14/1967: You have ear infections in both ears. 10/21/1968: Note a wound and a hematoma on the ring finger. C. Adoption Date of declaration of eligibility for adoption: Year/Month/Date 1969/02/15 Date of placement with adoptive family: Year/Month/Day 1969/09/26 Date of legal adoption: Year/Month/Day 1970/06/03 Judicial district of legal adoption: Montreal Place of residence of adoptive parents at the time of adoption: 69, Avenida Bolivar, Apt. C l, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic. Your adoptive father chose you and you flew with him. Conditions leading to adoption: At the time of your birth, your mother was very young, unstable and did not work regularly. She could not answer to the needs of a child. You mother has reserved you, which means she left you at the crib, but did not want you to be adopted. She visited you a few times. She hoped to organize her life. However, as this situation persists and as you get older, a judge has authorized your placement in an adoptive family. Requests for information post-adoption : Your mother tried to see you again, but since the judge had made his decision about your adoption, this was not possible. D. Placement History (if applicable) Date and type of placements: The 01/27/1967: Admission to the crib St-Francois-D'Assise. The 09/26/1969: You left to start your new life in the Perez family. E. Development of Child The 10/14/1969: The adoption services receives news about you: your health is good. You are described as a lively, alert and smart little boy that grows well. Your adjustment to your new life is good. The small Patricia is happy to your arrival, but shows some jealousy, which is normal. She believed that you will be older. The families of your adoptive parents is pleased to meet you. Only downside: the mosquitoes! A few months later, your father wrote that you begin to learn Spanish and you were proud. You become tanned and you tolerate the mosquitoes. II. INFORMATION CONCERNING TO BIOLOGICAL MOTHER AT THE TIME OF YOUR BIRTH A. Description Age: 16 years Colour of hair: Brown Nationality: Canadian Weight: 125 pounds Colour of eyes: Brown Ethnic background: French-quebecer Height: 5 feets Complexion: Nil Region of origin of mother : Your mother is from the province of Quebec possibly the Chaudiére-Appalaches region. Civil status: Single Religion: Catholic B. Schooling: Grade 9 C. Occupation She had worked in a laundry. She had to leave this place because of an accident. The settlement of this accident was difficult because she had given a false identity. D. Health of Mother. Specific problems. Good. No particular disease was noted. E. Characteristics concerning your biological mother: description, personality, tastes, abilities? Your mother is described as pretty, smart and immature given his age. F. Relationship of your mother with her family and description of the family. His relationship with his mother was difficult. Your biological mother had run away from home. G. Was the family informed of the pregnancy? Yes, her mother was. III. INFORMATION CONCERNING THE EXTENDED FAMILIES OF YOUR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS A. Parents of your biological mother Occupation of her mother: Nurse Health of her mother: Good B. Siblings of your biological mother Brothers: 2 Sisters: 4 Rank in the family: Nil Family of children 7 Health status of siblings (presence of hereditary diseases or other): Good Cause and age of death of siblings if necessary: N/A Twins: Not indicated in file

A research study at Temple University is investigating connections between language and memory in individuals who experienced a change from their native to another language. If you were adopted from a Russian-speaking country after the age of 6, you are invited to participate in this research study where you will be asked to describe events. Your participation will contribute to the body of knowledge and help international adoptees worldwide. You do not need to speak Russian in order to participate. Your time will be compensated $20 per session (total of $40 for 2 sessions). Must be between 18-30 years of age in order to participate. On-line interviews are available, so no travel is required. Please fill out this brief questionnaire in order for us to determine your eligibility. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/BC378ZZ

I recently wrote an article about how I don't believe in adoption trauma. https://adoption.com/not-my-adoption-trauma-thoughts-from-a-not-so-victimized-adoptee Now everybody in my adoption groups is up in arms. I was clear that my heart goes out to people who have suffered physical and emotional abuses, but those things are not exclusive of adopted families. First of all, parents not connecting with their children, playing favorites with kids, not watching their kids, not taking care of their kids, those are just sucks parents. Those things happen in biological families as well. It's like people have this image of what a family is suppose to be. No family is perfect. Some just hide it better than others. There are actually adoptees out there who hate adoption. They liken it to slavery. I don't understand that at all. What are the alternatives to adoption? You can be raised by someone who isn't ready or able to parent or you can be aborted. Those don't seem like good options to me. Is adoption perfect? Of course not. There is not one thing that was meant for good that isn't being used in a negative way by someone. That's just the world we live in. I personally believe there is way more good than harm being done everyday through adoption. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I am jaded and so anti-victim that I can't see it. My adopted little sister got a raw deal. I did too to some extent. I chose to rise above and take care of myself. I chose solutions rather than excuses. She wallowed in her pity. She never learned how to take charge of her own life, and I never forgave her for that. I knew that I was in charge of my destiny and so what if things hadn't gone perfectly. I could change it, fix it. That's what I did, and I didn't look back. I think the anti-victim thing might be a biological trait. I thought it was a defense mechanism until a couple of days ago. Hundreds of thousands of women were posting "Me too" on Facebook if they had been victims of sexual assault. Even though I have been a victim of sexual assault, I chose not too participate. It wasn't until later the next day that I thought about why I hadn't posted. For some reason unknown to me I have an innate refusal to become a victim. I cannot portray myself that way. The events of my past are not who I am. I am a compilation of my reactions and lessons learned from those situations. From the very first time I read someone's adoption victim story, I have thought about this. Sometime people just get a raw deal. That happens in biological families as well as those touched by adoption. You can see around and cry about it, which accomplishes nothings but a large therapy bill or you can get up and refuse to be like them. Start your own family and be determined to be great at it. We don't become greater by sitting around talking. We become greater by doing better. If you have a problem with the ethical practices of adoption in an area, get involved. Be the change.

apologize, but I have to be necessarily brief ... I leave you to imagine the details! In my book, The Rabbit Culture the story remains outstanding with my son who has many problems of integration. Because of the trauma of abandonment, and of his behavior, psychologists have recognized him as suffering from paranoid schizophrenia borderline; apparently looks like a normal person, but it is as if he traveled on a razor's edge. But the story continues ... .. About five years ago, he decided to go to Romania to find his birth mother. Beeing convinced me, after this experience, that the best type of adoption is that of the "Open Adoption", I accompanied him and we went together to Timishoara. You can imagine the atmosphere ... .that of a journey full of unknowns and unforeseens! In Timishoara we rented a car , to go to Bretea Streuloi where was his orphanage. During the trip he was pretty quiet and happy to see, after twenty years, the places familiar to him. We found with difficulty the orphanage, [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/04/72a73f6a9aa51560872df985f268b862_view.jpg[/img] but to our surprise, there were no more children, had been converted into accommodation for the disabled and disinherited people. There were a dozen of adult boys, and a lady who ran the complex with a boy; My son watched him ... and they recognized each other ! As kids, they were together in that orphanage ... obviously ... hugs and kisses, and while they told their stories, I took the opportunity to ask questions about how we could find his mother. Unfortunately, the lady told me, that being dead the director who ran the orphanage, the only option was to ask the municipal police of the town of Petrosani, where he was born. We departed together for Petrosani, and we stayed in a hotel in the center of the city along with his friend; the next day, he would accompany us to the district of the municipal police to ask questions. The next morning, we went to the District; there were many people waiting, and my son and his friend, came in to ask questions. I remained out; despite the situation, I was optimistic. But ... when came out, my son came to me, and in a weak voice said to me: my mother is dead ... and has been crying non-stop for thirty seconds. I embraced him trying to comfort him, and he, taking note of the stark reality, stopped crying and has expressed the desire to go to the cemetery to bring her a bunch of flowers ... if ever we would be able to find her grave. The cemetery was large enough [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/04/2637b9dd915c9c40f244d3000edfbeab_view.jpg[/img] We have searched for over an hour, but we did not find the grave of his mother. More than a third of the graves were unnamed, and in the end, we left the bouquet of flowers on a grave with no name, however, catered for the symbolic gesture! We departed to Timishoara, in order to take the next morning, the flight to return to Italy. Paradoxically, we were both more confident. Is doubt, uncertainty that create anxiety! When the reality is clear and obvious ... you start over. But in my mind, followed each other thoughts and considerations that I had already done, that suddenly appeared to me, in all their clarity: No condition of indigence or poverty justifies the abandonment of a child. As far as my own experience is concerned I am sure that a child would rather die of starvation or get to know that his parents are in prison, but they did not abandoned him. [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/04/c04c6d9f98a244d64c55c6a9eca781d1_view.jpg[/img] If genocide is a crime against humanity, the abandonment of a child is much more, it calls into question the first ethical principle for our survival: a mother who abandons a child. Animals do not do that, or do so only if the little ones are naturally self-sufficient by birth. It is an everlasting torture and I am sure that my son is wondering – in his own confusion – why he did not get what many people were granted. While I was driving, at some point, seeing me absorbed in my thoughts, he asked me: "Are you worried? Anyway ... dear father, I think you're a saint! "I looked at almost smiling; and he, knowing that I do not love the Pope and the Saints ... said: "Correction ... a secular saint." I have never received a better compliment in my life! In the evening, in Timishoara, we went to a pub and we nearly got drunk, to face the night with a well deserved rest. But ....! Six months later, my son decided, against my advice, to return to Romania. He was not convinced of the version that the police had provided for the death of his mother. He 's back in the orphanage, and the lady who owns the structure, not knowing what to do, called the local police. The police, naively, seeing his original birth certificate [img]https://adoption.com/community/PF.Base/file/attachment/2017/04/28e0f6055e12a3f9ebfa1db78ed1cd99_view.jpg[/img] accompanied him to his mother who was alive and well, but in conditions of poverty. I can only imagine their meeting ... .aniway, surely, his behavior has improved, and tries to help his birth mother by any means. So if by chance, you buy my book or make a donation, you can be assured that every penny will be used for their survival when I am gone…! Fre ebook : http://www.therabbitculture.com/free-ebook-read-it-give-it-a-value-and-donate/

Before I became a part of the adoption community, I had an interest in adoption. I loved to read blogs about adoption and sometimes I would even peruse adoptive parent profiles, just for fun. I remember reading a blog one time in which an adoptive mom remarked that now that she had adopted a Marshalese child, they had become a multicultural family. I remember thinking that was the weirdest thing. My thought was, "No you're not. She's a baby. She'll just adapt to your family's culture." I truly didn't understand what she was even really meant by that. I could see saying that they were a multiracial family - but multicultural? That didn't make sense. Along those lines, I always thought it was a little weird when adopted people looked for their birth parents. "You already have a family," I'd think to myself. "Why are you looking for more?" Fast forward several years later, however, and now these two ideas have come into sharp focus in my mind. As I have listened to adoptees talk about their adoption experiences, I have come to realize that biological connections and cultural roots are much more powerful than I'd ever given them credit for. Now when I interact with people at family gatherings - and extended family gatherings - I realize what a comfort it is to be surrounded by people who look like me, who have similar quirks to me, who share the same grandparents and great-grandparents and great-great grandparents. There is something very powerful and grounding about knowing WHERE you came from and WHO you came from. When a child is adopted into a family, they still carry their birth families in every cell of their bodies. This isn't to say that there isn't a power in the family that they were adopted into - the child will become a part of that family, integrated by love and shared experiences and the daily weaving of being together - but now I understand how important it is for adoptees to have access to and experiences with the biological roots that shape them just as powerfully.